If it is free, is it really stealing?

Ah, KING 5 News, you never let me down!

Tonight I was treated to the story of dastardly thieves who made off with over hundreds of pounds of pet food from a charity in Yelm, Washington.
This group provides pet food for the poor to feed to their pets. I was pondering the notion of why poor people should have pets if they can’t afford them. After all, speaking as a reluctant dog owner, pets are a bit of a luxury – expensive in both time and treasure. I like my little doggy well enough, but make no mistake, if I ever had to wonder where my next meal was coming from we would by then have sold (or eaten) the dog.

Then, mid-ponder, this quote from 80 year old Wanda Bittner leapt from my fully HD enabled flat screen speakers in glorious 5.1 Dolby:

"I'm in shock... I can't believe it... Our food is free, no questions asked," she said. "Why would anyone take our pet food?"

Ummm…now I’m scratching my head. She has a charity operation where you come in and take the food you need - “no questions asked” – for free.

Sooooooooo…is this a crime or just someone availing themselves of this groups raison d'être?

I mean, this woman is 80 years old. Her house looks like what you would think someone’s house would look like if they spent their time collecting food for the pets of the poor. Maybe she just forgot where she put it.

“Next on KING 5, we confront a man who has always taken a penny, but never left a penny.”

And, just sayin’, does that tubby little pup on the right have an alibi?

Starlet Lovelady and the case for "Name Revocation"

Subtitle: ...and I want my money back from all those 900 number calls

Sometimes a story is so profound it demands to be told (or, err, uh, copied from someone else who told it). This particular news story was about the flood damage in Concrete, WA. Not to be confused with Rockport, WA, or Marblemount, WA, or Something-Really-Hard-And-Barren-In-The-Sticks, WA.

Let me introduce you to Ms. Starlet Lovelady.

According to federal naming regulations (which I believe date from the Clinton era), with a name like that, she should look like this:

But in reality she looks like this:

WTHeck!!!!!

Because of the flooding, Ms. Lovelady has had to give up her job at "Super Hot & Lonely Chat Line" (where her tag line was: "Call now, I'm bored toni...hey who the %^*! ate my Cheetos")

The Federal Bureau of Name Revocation has dispatched a team to Concrete by way of Sedro-Wooley to revoke Ms. Lovelady's name and give her a new one. The FBNR computers are still crunching as we speak, but things look good for "Maude Cheesebottom".